Thursday, July 02, 2009

M-4-DoubleEw

It's back. Here are my favorites from recent postings in the M4W Craigslist personal ads section.

Dominant / Rugged / Tall / Assertive / Masculine - 34 - (NYC)
I’m a Durango.

sometimes the stars are aligned - 61 –
To cosmically, magically, miraculously allow you to bone a dude already receiving the AARP magazine. Thank you, universe! O God, you are truly wondrous!

HELP! Do you have BIG LABIA? This is a real post! - 35 -HELP! THIS IS A LABIAMERGENCY! SOUND THE LABIALARM!

electrician looking for someone to spark with.... - 21 - (stamford)
Ba-zing, motherfucker, ba-zing.

Any women like men that show off the body in skimpy underwear/swimwear - 45 - (CNJ/NNJ)
Showing off my body in skimpy underwear is very different than showing off the body. It’s like seeing a shooting star when you find a simple case of article misuse that can turn your run of the mill pervy sentence into a serial killer’s one-liner.

Girl Boobs (Chinese) - 34 – pic
This sounds like something on a badly translated menu.

How would you like a long sensual mass and oral sex for u (optional) - (Downtown)
Oh fuck yeah babe, I’ll read from the Gospel of Mark real slow, and then I’ll bless that big, hard Eucharist...

I'm sick of games, how about you? - 22 - (Chelsea) pic
Word, if I have to play one more game of Chutes and Ladders I’m offing myself.

latin male looking for them freak ladys - m4w - 30 - (new jersey)
No. Problem.

I'm in a relationship but.. - 38 - (Upper West Side)
…I’m also on Craigslist being a dirtbag. (No fatties.)

In need of real "lady" - (Queens)
I’d love a “woman” to let me “touch” “her” “vagina.”

Every Inch of your Pussy......(no sex) - 30 - (Astoria)
No sex? What sentence begins “Every inch of your pussy” and does not include sex? Every inch of your pussy will be treated to a lecture about the Algonquin roundtable?

How I normally operate... - (Manhattan)
With a plastic knife in a room I made in my basement. What?

Today’s gold star goes to a poem that manages to be horrifying and entertaining all at once; the title is the kind of cutesy and nonsensical phrase that makes me want to wretch, and the triple use of “sore” in the first stanza made me cross my legs defensively, but picture a dude reading this aloud on a Vaudeville stage and it’s kind of (but just KIND of) endearing.

CUTIE DEAR BEAUTY(POEM) - 45 (Sac CA)
Cutie dear beauty, this poem is to you.
Its about all the things I want to do.
I want to make love to you, like never before.
And when I am done with you,you will be,sore,sore,sore.

To me lovemaking is an art.
Its takein 45 years to profect my part.
Twenty years ago,you would pay a high price,for me.
A male escort,the best that can be.

I am hung like a horse, and easy on the eyes.
Tall,dark,and handsome, I must not lie.
I love to make love, and the best that can be.
Looking for someone, someone like me.

So don't be afraid, to give me a try.
You never know, I might be the guy.
I can last all night, and part of the day.
You see my darlins, I am really good in the hay.

But you will never know, unless you try.
I am the best of the best, could be your guy.
I am respectful,honest,and wild in always.
I have had many woman say. (that i was there greatest lay)

You will never know,unless you try.
So here I am, simple guy.
I would love someone, to share my heart.
We will never know, unless you start.

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