Thursday, September 04, 2008

All You Other Slim Shadys Are Just Imitating

Because I am a narcissist, I’m signed up for Google Alerts whenever my name appears on the internet. Mostly this is crap: links to old articles (that Britney Spears McSweeney’s thing just will not die) and those strange advertising pages that just aggregate text from other places on the web. Then, yesterday, I got an alert that I had published a poem on poetry.com.

This was troubling, because 1. I have written two poems since I graduated college. One was yesterday, and the other was a sonnet ode to trans fats, and 2. I did not publish either masterpiece via poetry.com. I live in fear that my tragically bad poems from college, high school or, god help me, middle school are circling like piranhas, waiting for a good opening to bite me directly in the ass. I held my breath and clicked.

Here’s what I found:

Children

Children are a blessing from our Lord
I have three.

Kathy Cacace


This, coupled with another alert that I had apparently signed up for Facebook and posted a picture of some lady with blonde highlights and tasteful earrings, means there is another Kathy Cacace in town. I'm assuming her recent appearance is due to a marriage-related name change, and not some Twilight Zone-esque Doppleganger life takeover plot.

I have always been the only Kathy Cacace on the internet. It may not be a good name, or even a name that people understand and so I have to spell it out several times, but then they think I’m stuttering and I’m not, there’s just a lot of c’s and a’s, but it's my name and mine alone. With it comes the right to the only Facebook account with my name on it, and to bogart all the Google hits, and to publish poor poetry of my choosing via a pyramid scheme to sell your name to mailing lists.

So, like the whiny little bitch I’ve been since birth, I struck back at injustice by writing down my stupid feelings.

Clarifications

I did not write that poem.
I have no children.
A leaf slowly falls.

Kathy Cacace

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