Saturday, May 17, 2008

An Open Letter to Everything

To my darling dearest life lately,

You kinda rule.

It is Saturday. I am sitting in my backyard. I have a backyard. The neighbors are listening to the Ronettes. I am listening to the Replacements. The combination is surprisingly good. My horoscope says You don't have to do anything special this weekend. Just be who you are and do what you do and everything will fall into place as if by magic. I slept late. I slept at all. I finally found my $5.00 New Orleans souvenir t-shirt with the drunk hanging on the Bourbon Street sign. I am wearing that shirt. It's warm. The girl at the coffee place said I smelled nice. I smell nice. Brooklyn. Black tights. Beer. Boys in general and, a couple of times recently, in particular. 3:30 any morning. Walking. An unexpected cute night the other night.

That the scope of my life finally encompasses cute nights.

A surprise visit. Surprises in general. That's the whole thing, I think: that I've been continuously surprised for the past couple of months. Though it always sounds melodramatic and reductionist to make proclamations that begin with "my life," it's utterly legit for me to say that my life had a certain rhythm and very particular fences until recently. There was an entire realm of cool shit that happened to other people--confusing, exciting, and unpredictable stuff that I wanted very much to happen to me--and then there was my pasture, a territory that occasionally housed cool stuff, but always with a degree of separation. It's not like I didn't have stories that would make you laugh or make your eyes go wide, it's just that those stories usually started with, "Oh man, this one time, my friend...".

But suddenly everything has been very first person and I feel like I'm fielding a series of curveballs so wild--actually, I'm getting myself into deep shit with a baseball metaphor, because I have no idea how to finish it. But I'm completely in love with being confused about where every day ends up, because it means for once, my life is obeying Newton's laws of motion. An object at rest will remain at rest until acted upon by an outside force.

Outside forces are the coolest.

Love,
Kathy

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