Friday, January 04, 2008

The Boneteenth Amendment

I caucused my own self for about four hours today about posting this entry or not, because women have only had the vote since 1920 and I feel like that's not far enough out of the woods to play with fire. And, given the continually dismal numbers women vote in, I don't want to make it seem like I'm actually going to cast my vote based on what I'm about to show you. So.

WHEREAS I have voted in both elections I have been eligible to vote in and voted based on policy alone,

WHEREAS I am currently still debating between Obama and Clinton and have read all of their stances on both of their websites, watched the debates, watched hours of caucus coverage, and even read up on Huckabee and Romney and McCain just to see what they're up against,

WHEREAS seriously, I am not an idiot,

I HEREBY DECLARE the Time Warp Boneability Election Open. Please cast your votes carefully. If you could travel back in time, would you rather get it on with:

Option A: Time Warp John Edwards. He's got that slightly cocky football jock thing going on, which is at the same time kind of appealing and kind of repellent. Those two should always cancel each other out, but somehow they always, always, always add up to an extreme desire to make out with whatever dude is emitting the vibe. Bonus points for what was probably sweaty helmet hair, but actually amounts to kind of emo bangs.

Option B: Time Warp Mitt Romney. I know, at first glance he looks like the Chairman of the Young Morman Republican Churchgoer Kiss Asses. But look at it a little longer and imagine him as the editor in chief of a college newspaper. Or imagine him with a cigarette. Right? I know.

Option C: Time Warp John McCain. I was surprised about this one, considering how squinty and melty-faced McCain is currently. But look at him -- that is TOTALLY Hot Dad Down the Block. Or maybe Guy on F Train Who Reads Hemingway and Gets Off at Bergen Street Without Fail. Or History Professor With Deep Passion for The Civil War. You get my drift.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

tally: two mitt romneys, one john mccain, and an honorary john edwards

5:12 PM  
Blogger Adriano said...

mccain is about 70 now. LOL ofcourse he'll look different

2:04 PM  

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