Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Request Challenge 3: No, No, No, I Won't Do That

There's irony and there's bad taste, and I feel like the two have been blurred in the interest of increasing the world's supply of socially acceptable vintage concert tees. There are only so many extant Ramones shirts on eBay. Wave the flag of irony and you can Paypal the shit out of Journey, GnR, Jefferson Starship, etc., and still look relevant at the indie show of your choice. Everybody wins.

Except for me, because people think I'm joking when I say I like Meatloaf. I'm not, like, at all. I seriously like Meatloaf and I seriously listen to the extended 13-minute version of "I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)" on the subway. There is a certain wrinkle or lobe or something in my brain that directly responds to soaring rock ballads, and IWDAFL(BIWDT) is the pacifier for its constant crying. The 'Loaf/female vocalist combination is tried and true. There's intense guitar. There are revving engine noises. The song manages to fit "godforsaken town" and "holy water" and "screwing around" and "it all" turning to "dust" into one verse. Plus, the female vocals provide an excellent chance for me to sing along really, really, really, really, really dramatically.

The song has a video that actually features Meatloaf as a beast.

The entire goddamn thing, the whole shebang, the gods of sex and drums and rock and roll and all, is the most perfect example of rock camp I've ever heard. Like, put down your cheesedog, throw up your Bic, stand up in the fourth tier of Shea stadium great.

Celine Dion’s “It’s All Coming Back to Me,” is a horse of a different color. The two songs cover the same territory in certain vital ways: karaokeability; frequency and intensity of break-downs; vague and/or confusing allusions to “it” and “that” and “things I’d never do again”; common references to “dust,” “fantasies,” and “nights” that are “carved in ice” or with “wind so cold.”

But Meatloaf’s drama is one that best enjoyed in a parking lot with a Natty Light. Celine’s is more the Hershey’s Pot o’ Gold and sweatpants variety. Each has its charm, but I think prefer my heartache boozy if I’m going to live it vicariously through the Billboard Adult Contemporary chart.

In some way, Meatloaf’s covering “It’s All Coming Back to Me” seems sort of inevitable. Bonbons/Lifetime lady is sort of the natural counterpart to Beergut/Arena Rock guy, isn’t she?

But Beergut always beats Bonbons. Metaphorically and, you know, probably literally when dinner’s not finished.


Anonymous anonymous mom said...

flashback to 1979... me & my friends signing paradise by the dashboard light, cruising lake shore blvd. in the car, at the top of our lungs and we were awesome. that's how i remember it.

4:12 PM  
Anonymous brad said...

flashback to 1998... me & falcon singing paradise by the dashboard light, cruising lake shore blvd. in the car, at the top of our lungs and we were awesome.

4:57 PM  
Blogger What'sHerFace said...

Flashback to now...I am awesome.

5:05 PM  
Anonymous nicole - yeah that one said...

another request - carson daly...why the hell not

11:31 AM  
Anonymous brad said...

when carson daly shook my hand he was sweaty and slippery.

12:41 PM  
Anonymous nicole - yeah that one said...

was that when he was dating tara reid - because that would explain oh so much

6:24 PM  

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