Wednesday, June 21, 2006

One Foer the Money, Two Foer the Show

According to the Observer (via Gawker), the youngest Foer just moved to New York. He's an expert memorizer writing a book on the topic. In his spare time he'll be freelancing for a couple of local rags. Some schlock outfit called the Times, and some other piece of trash called National Geographic. Isn't that one of the ones they give away free on the subway in the morning?

How old is this Foer? I believe Jonathan Safran and Franklin still qualify as wunderkind, don't they? This Josh Foer, a Foer I didn't even know existed, is, like, a fetalkind. Wunderfoetus? I don't know, I'm not some genius demon baby whose dad is obviously the dictionary.

I have two younger brothers, making me the Jonathan Safran Foer of the Cacace children. Except instead of having unusual literary talent in common and passing on connections with the most respected magazines in the country, we have a love for Chinese takeout in common, and connections with the most respected and only Starbucks in Yorktown. Which makes me want to bully the Foers like nothing else.

Which is proof that I am better than Jonathan Safran Foer.

If it is given that I am a nerd and I am the the JSF of my family, and I want to give a serious nuclear wedgie to JSF and his little brothers because they're just such precious nerds, it follows that the Foers suck because even another nerd wants to make them cry on the playground.

Meet me at three by the monkeybars, losers.

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