Tuesday, April 25, 2006

You Are My Passion For Life

I'm home sick from work today after rapidly coming down with some kind of horrible virusy, fluish I don't know what. Maybe it's food poisoning? Maybe the same person who steals quarters off my desk hacked up some plague on my keyboard? I can't say for sure but I'm going with the latter, because the only food that could've been the culprit was from the great new delivery place near my house. I'm not willing to sacrifice a Chinese AND Mexican restaurant. You can order wonton soup and quesadillas and General Tso's chicken and a big honking burrito, at the same time. Fuck botulism!

But the point is, I stayed home today and thus got to watch a whole ton of daytime TV. Dr. Phil is doing interventions for out of control teens, which is like a sign from the Lord that I was supposed to be on the couch today at 3:00. I also caught today's installment of Passions, probably the worst soap opera network TV has ever pooped out. I manage to see an episode every few months, and the thing I love the most about it (besides the witches and the secret identities and the infidelity and the bastard children and the ghosts and the cults and the weird allegiance to Catholicism) is how almost every single character has been played by at least two different actors. Like Darren on Bewitched, if Samatha was also replaced two or three times, and Tabitha was played by a talking doll.

I think this is a good idea. I think we should adopt the soap-actor-replacement plan as regular practice. How much more exciting would work be if my boss was suddenly, say, Robert DeNiro? Or Dom DeLuise? Or Rip Torn? And I just got to pretend that nothing had happened? And what if, one day, I just traded places with, like, Oprah? Or a cabbie? Or Mario Batali? Or Shakira? And everyone just had to play along, that mine were the truthful hips they'd seen so many times in MTV?

Basically, I just don't want to every fill out a job application again. Can we just all agree to randomly shuffle careers until I end up a senior editor? So I don't have to ever write another cover letter?

7 Comments:

Anonymous mike said...

Oy, Passions. I usually dip in whenever I am home for the holidays or on breaks, so that would be once every three or four months. The next time you are home sick, check to see how far today's plot points have progressed. The answer: Not very.

I noticed they have started playing reruns in the mornings on the SciFi channel. Wha?

3:34 PM  
Anonymous anonymousmom said...

nothing more romantic of late than the homeless guy?

could take the mind off the mind-numbingness.

3:57 PM  
Blogger What'sHerFace said...

Besides the three hours of soap operas I just watched (which aren't technically MY life), yes, the homeless guy is still the most romantic thing to happen to me. WHEEE.

4:57 PM  
Blogger katy said...

I have to admit I didn't know what Passions was till recently. I saw it advertised on the SciFi channel and thought it must be a modern day "Dark Shadows". I was very excited. At least for the opening credits till I realized there would be no sucking of blood.

Sad now.

8:11 AM  
Blogger What'sHerFace said...

Oh there's definitely sucking. Passions sucks, for sure.

8:31 AM  
Anonymous anonymousmom said...

i know you're not still sick girl. c'mon, get a postin'!

have you finished gabriel garcia marquez? 'cause there's a new one to be had that just won some book award. something about melancholy whores.

11:02 AM  
Blogger Lina said...

Its neverending storyline keeps us hooked.

http://www.breathe101.blogspot.com

11:54 PM  

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