A Visit from Brad
Now go to wherever you keep your dirty laundry and put on the grossest, smelliest, wrinkliest t-shirt in there. Next, check your e-mail. Now check it again. Once more. Okay, now check your e-mail again. Check your e-mail now, too. Doesn’t hurt to refresh the page. Go on, check it again. Once more. Aaand, check your e-mail again. Now eat too much of whatever the nearest candy is and hiccup so hard your stomach hurts for half an hour. Take a picture of the floor.
There, so, you’re me.
Kathy invited me to guest blog today, which is stupid of her because she’s going to lose half her readers. I don’t have narratives like she does. In fact, I don’t ever really have anything interesting to say. I can make some lists, though. Let’s do two lists.
Things Shirley Has Said To Us:
“That’s wronger’n a horse eatin’ a hamburger.”
“This is harder than stretchin’ a gnat’s ass over a washboard.”
“I’m nervouser’n a long-tailed cat in a room fulla rockin’ chairs.”
And, my favorite, “Take the keys to Bubba [the old summer job golf cart], take a radio, and go ANYWHERE.” We were getting on her nerves.
What Was Alanis Down On in the Theater?
So, Dharma and Greg. Dharma, Dharma, Dharma. Really. Who heard the pitch for a show called “Dharma and Greg” and said YES. LET’S DO THIS. Who? Hey guess what? I don’t care about Will and Grace. TBS: Seinfeld reruns are okay (the best is when Kramer answers that his briefcase is full of crackers), but I still don’t really like the show. Everybody Loves Raymond was better, but I think they stopped showing it! Friends is just six idiots taking turns kissing each other, hiding the kissing from the others, and wearing the most dated outfits imaginable. If I wanted to watch that hullabaloo I’d go back to college.
Dear Kathy’s Readers,
I apologize for wasting your time.