Monday, April 24, 2006

Broken Axl: Lose Five Days

So, when Brad whispered in my ear on Saturday night "I'm 100% not lying when I say Axl Rose just walked in," the only thing I was sure of was that he was 100% lying to me. The idea that Axl "Once awesome, now bloated, but still kind of awesome" Rose was at MisShapes was not only too bizarre to believe, but precisely the kind of thing Brad would make up.

Turns out I should have more faith in people. The crowd parted and there, at a table behind a velvet rope, with two bodyguards and another girl who appeared to be in his entourage just to pour drinks, was Axl "Nananananananana-kneees! Knees!" Rose.

Now it was cool when I saw Madonna at MisShapes, but she had several strikes against her in terms of fabulous celebrity encounters. One, she looked great. Two, she's not a hermit. Three, I knew she was going to be there. Four, she didn't have multicolored white person cornrows. Axl "Seriously, that's fucking Axl Rose" Rose was a cornrowed, sweatshirt wearing, reclusive surprise. Waving his arms to "Freedom" by George Michael.

I believe the apex of the night, and also my life, was wearing a white denim jacket, dancing approximately three feet away from Axl "Hey, where's Chinese Democracy at?" Rose to my all time favorite monster ballad, Journey's "Don't Stop Believing." I mean, really. How does it get better than that? How? Until Slash serves me Kristal out of his top hat, this is going to go down as the most awesome moment of my short, trashy life.

The New York code of celebrity ethics dictates composure and disinterest in the presence of anyone with any kind of notoriety. To some extent I'm down with this; I feel a little dirty pointing or whispering someone's name while they can see me. I mean, I'm not really comfortable pointing and whispering about anyone when I'm sure they'll catch me doing it. I don't want to see people whispering about me, and I'm sure Elizabeth Berkeley doesn't either when she's standing outside Tasti D Lite.

However. There is the matter of jumping up and down and squealing when just slightly out of earshot. This will never go away, because I will never, ever stop being excited when I see people who I've watched for years on TV, or who wrote the second song I ever downloaded onto the family computer (cough, "Sweet Child o' Mine", cough). It may not be cool, but I never claimed to be anything but a twelve year old trapped in an entry-level grown-up's body. Goldie Hawn? Squeal. Kathy Bates? Squeal. Axl Rose? Squeal and text message. John Cusack? Squeal and please, for the love of God, do not lose bladder control.

Yes, they're all just people, and sure, fame is not a character asset, but look: these are my celebrities, inflated in my brain by familiarity like one of those little figurines you submerge and watch expand. Seeing them in person is the whole TV-, movie-, music-junkie childhood realized. New York decorum be damned, I'm gonna gawk at Axl like he's the mayor of Paradise City.

"Like" he's the mayor of Paradise City. Psssht. He IS the mayor.

I, on the other hand, am merely Deputy Sheriff of The Remaining Large Binder Clips in the Supply Desk. However, today I get to be Her Royal Highness, Queen of The Burrito I Ate For Lunch Made Me Sick and Now I'm Gonna Puke.

(Oh won't you please take me home?)

20 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

AXL FAT IS TRYING TO DO A COMEBAKC ? THAT IS JOKE ! AXL IS TEH MACHAEL JACKSON OF ROCK. ITS OVER AXL FAT.

SLASHEAD

2:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

slashead, you are a fuckin' nut

6:37 PM  
Anonymous Skelly said...

That's awesome girl!

I'm 100% jealous of you!!

And that Slashead dick is an asshole!

7:14 PM  
Anonymous Rebecca said...

Totally unrelated to your post:

Apparently, someone is claiming that How Opal Mehta Got Kissed, Got Wild and Got a Life is actually a rip-off of another book. There's even a comparison of passages. I'm too lazy to read the whole article, but since you told me about this book, I thought you might care. Maybe.

10:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

WAILAND WAS RIGHT ABOUT MRS FAT ROSE......AXL FAT IS A SHAME ON THIS DAYS,....HE JUST LOST HIS GOOD SENSE...... HE WANT TO DO COMEBAXK BUT FANS SAID YOU BRING SALSH BACK AND THEN YOU DO COMEBACK....GNR IS ROCKNROLL NOT RAP....WITHOUT SLASH AXL IS NOTHING JUST FAT....AXL FAT FORGET EVRYTHING...HE THINKS IS MACHAEL JAKSON....POOR AXL FAT !

12:49 AM  
Anonymous SLASHEAD said...

AXL FAT SAID I WILL BE BACK WITH NEW SONGS NEXT SUMER...THAT WAS 5 YEARS AGO.....AXL FAT IS TOO OLD.....LET GNR REST IN PEACE..... AXL FAT KNOW THAT BAND IS SHIT WITOUT SALSH BUT HE DONT CARE.

12:52 AM  
Blogger Jakob Edut said...

God dammit I envy you! ;)

I would stare like hell too...

9:33 AM  
Anonymous SLASHEAD said...

AXL FAT AND HIS FANS BELEIVE IN SANTA CLAUS. THEY THINK AXL FAT WILL DO COMEBACK. BLABLABLABLA. THAT IMPOSSIBLE. HE CANT DO COMEBAKX BICAUSE AXL FAT IS OLD AND BORED. WITOUT SLASH AXL FAT IS NOTING JUST FAT.

10:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

listen to Velvet Revolver's Cuntr-i mean...Contraband, and then listen to the new GN'R leaks. GN'R RAPES VR.

Slash can hardly play guitar anymore.

11:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Axl Rose, the man, the myth, the legend. If he does things correctly could 2006 finally be his year?



It has been a while since we last heard from Mr. Axl Rose since buckethead left but there is still huge interest in what the red head is doing and his long awaited album. Nothing official has come from the Gn’r camp in ages and their official web page still looks the same as it did after the aborted tour in December of 2002. What we have gotten are rumors of Axl going “nuts”, Axl playing a few new songs at some club, 4 new songs being leaked on a radio show and now tour dates added for RIR and a few other shows, we are still waiting for release date which will be the light at the end of the tunnel. These rumors being good or bad does not really matter, it just adds to the legend of Axl Rose and keeps his name in the media to keep people interested, just when you don’t think you will hear anything about Axl some weird rumor always seems to pops up.

Like him or not, Axl Rose is one interesting person and most often he is misunderstood. Some people like to think of Axl as an A hole, but that is just because Axl likes to keep to himself and he likes his privacy. Axl does not crave attention or look to make headlines, he does that with out even trying and sometimes I think that embarrasses him. I know a lot of Gn’r fans get pissed off at Axl because he has not been telling us his every move or what his plans are but I think that is a good thing. Axl seems to get himself in trouble every time he tells us about a possible tour, a possible release date or anything else for that matter. When Axl has told us about tentative tours or release dates and then those things fall through or dates pass by people bash him because they didn’t happen, that is why I think Axl doesn’t want to say anything until he is 100% positive it is going to happen. That is why I don’t think will hear from Axl until he knows the album is 100% done and the release date is set in stone. I don’t think Axl likes to disappoint his fans and this is his best way of getting our hopes up for the release of this album. Another thing fans need to keep in mind is that Axl wants to make the best possible he can, and he does not care how long it takes, this album will be his legacy. This album will make or break his career since it is his first album with out the old band.

A lot of old Gn’r fans like to think the new songs we have heard so far are not as good as the old bands songs, but that is not the important question. The important question is, are the new songs as good or better than the current mainstream songs on the radio today? And IMO the answer to that is YES. I think Madagascar, IRS, the Blues and Chinese Democracy, TWAT and Better are just as good if not better than a lot of the music on the radio right now, and those songs are not even the “big guns” that Axl has in store for us. Better is something we have never heard before in music and could be a huge hit once we get the studio version. Citr and Better are the best of the bunch and are two amazing songs. Also anyone who says Axl cannot sing anymore just needs to listen to these demos, he has never sounded better.

He has a set of amazing and underrated players backing him up and they have all worked very hard on this album. The few people that have heard the album have all said how great or amazing the songs are, so I think if CD is promoted the way it should be it could be the best album of 2006.. Axl and his new Gn’r could also be on top of the music world again. Just look at a few years ago the mtv mva’s. They got a huge pop and people were going ape sh!t. The U.S. tour was not as bad as some naysayers would have you believe. The U.S. tour did pretty well considering there was almost no promotion for it and no new album in sight. Just think of how the tour would do with the band having a hit single on the radio, the album being released, a possible video on mtv and proper promotion for the tour. I think it could be huge. All Axl has to do is release the album and let it speak for itself. Axl has to understand he can’t please everyone. Yes Axl will lose some of the old fans with the new band and new sound, but he will also pick up many more fans along the way. As bad as Axl sounded back then he sounded better than the crappy live bands on the VMAs.

Chinese Democracy is going to be like nothing we have heard before from Guns n’ Roses. Tommy calls the new songs “earth shattering” and Dizzy has said the songs will exceed our expectations. Those statements make me wonder how amazing this album could very well be. Brian May and Tommy have both talked about how outrageous/amazing Axl's voice is on the album. Tommy also alluded that the rockers on CD will be like old gnr, while Zakk Wylde said the songs he heard from CD sounded like AFD on steroids.

Axl’s lyrics are said to have deeper meaning than on past albums, and we know there is a song about John Lennon, I am sure ones about the old band and the break up with Steph Seymour. This album will also have some political flavor with Chinese Democracy and Oklahoma (if that song makes the album). The new songs just prove that even more.

I believe Chinese Democracy is going to showcase the new bands diversity and could still be talked about years from now much like AFD is still proclaimed as being just as fresh today as it was 15 years ago. CD is said to be a melting pot album by Axl and I think you will be able to tell what each members input was to each song. I think each song will have each member’s trademark, something they can all be proud of.
I am not saying this album will be the best album ever, but I believe it’s going to something that will inspire discussion for years to come. and not only will it serve to cement Axl's legendary status as the ultimate rock star, it will preserve the dignity of the guns n roses name in the annals of rock history

We have heard three demos all which are very different and very good. Better mixes pop with metal, while IRS is a mix of old gnr and nin style of music while TWAT which is very November Rainish. IRS actually charted for radio spins, which is a first for a leaked demo. It also got the most votes for one stations cage match in the history of that station.
CITR is very beatles like where as Better starts off like a pop song then turns into a metal song.

It is now time for Axl to take his throne back as the best front man in rock, others have tried but none have even come close to having Axl presence or aura. Axl holds his own destiny and legacy in his own hands. He can either be the huge star he used to be or he can just disappear again. Either way Axl Rose will always be one of music great mysteries. He had it all in the 90s and he can have it all again if he wants to, he just has to release the album and everything will fall into place.

11:33 AM  
Anonymous BRADHEAD said...

KAHTY WHATS GOIN ON IN HEER

11:51 AM  
Anonymous pilferk said...

Slashead,

How are those head lice treating ya??

12:53 PM  
Anonymous SLASHEAD said...

A LOT BLABLABLA HERE. AXL FAT CANT DO COMEBAXK BICAUSE WITOUT SLASH HE IS FAT AND NOTHING MORE. SAD TO SEE. AXL FAT IS SHAME. IF I SEE HIM IN NIGHTCLUB I TELL HIM TO CALL SLASH AND IZZY AND TO FORGET TECHNO. AXL IS VERY STRANGE AND MAYBE IS GAY NOW.

4:18 PM  
Blogger What'sHerFace said...

You're crazy.

4:20 PM  
Blogger Axl Rose said...

Is that all you can say? That Axl is fat? Slash sucks nowadays, Axl was the only one that could get him to do his absolute best, an without Axl "Fat," his work is nothing but predictable.

5:23 PM  
Anonymous pilferk said...

Slashhead,
Thanks for answering my question. Apparently the head lice have burrowed through your scalp, and into your brain, preventing you from both constructing a proper English sentence AND from pushing that caps lock key to turn it off. You should seek immediate medical assistance, though I fear the brain damage may be irreversable. But hey...they might at least be able to save the hair, dude....

:)

7:28 AM  
Anonymous SLASHEAD said...

GNR FANS BELEIVE IN SANTA CLAUS. THEY THINK AXL FAT CAN DO COMEBAKX BUT THAT IMPOSSABLE. AXL FAT IS NOT GNR. AXL FAT IS AXL FAT. NOTHING MORE. YOU THINK A FAIRY WILL COME AND WILL HELP AXL FAT TO DO COMEBAKC ? HAHAHAHAHAHA. OR MAYBE SANTA CLAUS ? HAHAHAHAHAHA. YOU TINK AXL FAT CAN LOOSE ALL THE POUNDS HE GET EATING DONUTS AND NACHOS AND ICECRAEM ? NO THJAT IMPOSSABLE.
AXL FAT WERE GRAET BUT NOW ITS OVER. THE SAME LIKE MACHAEL JAKSON.

PILFAT YOU SUCKS ! SANTA CLAUS DONT EXIST.

8:09 AM  
Anonymous pilferk said...

Slashhead,

Apparently, your condition has worsened. It's now effecting your reading comprehension as well.

http://shop.store.yahoo.com/buyinprivate/nixlictreats.html

Quick, before it's too late.

12:05 PM  
Anonymous anonymousmom said...

wtf?

whose blog is this anyway?

3:52 PM  
Anonymous anonymousmom said...

wtf?

whose blog is this anyway?

3:53 PM  

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