Monday, February 27, 2006

I Saw the Sign

My office building is like a Christmas present from an elderly relative; it's a boring box filled with things that are boring, or, at best, weird and confusing.

A couple of months ago, a sign was taped to the door of every stall in every restroom on my floor. This sign is a shining example of desktop publishing circa 1989. It's this photo of a toilet with text (of several fonts and shades) layered over it to communicate a very important message about proper bathroom comportment. The author of the sign even applied that snazzy shadow effect to the letters to give them the extra pow that really captures a pooper's attention.

It says:

We're all choked up...
Because of the excess toilet paper in our bowls.

Please
Only use what is necessary

Thanks.

The signs are photocopied. The thing that gets me about them is that between the last two lines, the sign maker covered something up with a piece of masking tape before making the copies.

That. That is killing me.

I need to know what they blocked out, oh god OH GOD do I need to know. What is it? What did they originally think was appropriate for the toilet paper advisory sign, but then thought the better of at that crucial moment at the photocopier? I've picture it in my head (post morning coffee and again after lunch, on average) every day since the signs went up. The sign maker puts the original down on the glass of the Xerox machine, they set it to make, like, fifteen copies, their index finger is poised above the button, and then no, no, it all feels so wrong!

What does it say under the masking tape, what, oh, for the love of CHRIST I NEED TO KNOW.

There's no punctuation after "necessary," so it's totally the end of that sentence. What came after "Please use only what is necessary" that shouldn't have been on the sign?

...to get the job done?
...to clean your giant rear?
...as God intended?
...or I'll lock down the bathroom and you can make do with your wastebasket?
...or I"ll box cutter you so quick you'll think I worked in the stockroom at Costco?

8 Comments:

Anonymous Stupid Boy said...

...or the Toilet Snake will get you! HISSSSSSS!

7:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"...and if it's yellow, let it mellow."

-Clare

8:59 AM  
Anonymous Mike said...

"...because the cameras are watching."

11:43 AM  
Anonymous Jolene said...

please be neat do not tinkle on the seat

12:58 PM  
Anonymous anonymousmom said...

wow, i guess this post captured your audience's attention!

4:24 PM  
Anonymous andrea said...

"... to keep from leaving track marks."

5:12 PM  
Blogger Buckley said...

"... Ms. Cacace" ;-p

6:53 AM  
Anonymous brad said...

"you sick little rat"

12:21 PM  

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