"Don't turn the dial! After these commercials, see how rising gas prices might piss people off at the pump and rioting in Paris may lead to general French unrest. Also, an exclusive report on the Pope's alleged Catholicism."
A year ago we were in the throes of a closely scrutinized presidential election and I was sitting in this very chair refreshing CNN.com as fast as my finger could click. I haven't even voted this year. I've lived in New York for a month. I haven't even unpacked all of my boxes yet, nevermind gotten around to registering in my new district.
Still, though, I'm feeling kind of political. In a completely apolitical way. I get excited when I see voting machines and campaign signs stuck in front lawns, even when I could care less about the candidates. I wish there was protesting going on.
I'm bored. Why is no one hunger striking?
I mean, yes, it's my own fault for not getting involved enough in today's elections to be excited about the issues themselves, but it's the crazy conventions of politics that get me going even when the outlook is kind of bleak (cough, John Kerry, cough). I suppose I could get my radical jollies by organizing my own protest, but for what cause? I mentioned to Brad at lunch that I was considering hunger striking for thinness, because it's the kind of win-win protest I'm looking for.
"No," I would say to Anderson Cooper as he gently held a tuna melt to my lips. "It's not a disorder. It's a principle."
I've been invited to a sort of fancy thing, which is why I'm thinking about "protesting" in the first place. Not that I would ever seriously "protest," but it's a tempting thought to "protest" your way into the kind of outfit suitable for VIPersonage. And, see, were I to "protest" my way into a Betsey Johnson dress, people wouldn't comment about my change in physical status. "Hey, did she lose weight," some uninformed ignoramus would ask. "No," someone else would inform them, "she's just very dedicated to the issues."
I just can't sign another useless MoveOn petition. I need my political actions to have results. Measurable results.
Super-hot, shallow, dumb male models of results.