Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Vote Couture

Today's election day. The mayoral race in New York is all but tied up for Mike Bloomberg, who's leading Freddy Ferrer by something like thirty points in the polls. The New Jersey governor election is a little more exiting, what with the attack ads featuring candidates ex-wives and all, but of absolutely no consequence to me. I can't wait to find out who won just so I can stop having to listen to news anchors read unbelievably stupid sound bytes like: "Stay tuned to see how tomorrow's election could have an impact on the state of New Jersey for the next four years." Uh. Could? It's a completely new governor regardless of who wins. Could impact?

"Don't turn the dial! After these commercials, see how rising gas prices might piss people off at the pump and rioting in Paris may lead to general French unrest. Also, an exclusive report on the Pope's alleged Catholicism."

A year ago we were in the throes of a closely scrutinized presidential election and I was sitting in this very chair refreshing CNN.com as fast as my finger could click. I haven't even voted this year. I've lived in New York for a month. I haven't even unpacked all of my boxes yet, nevermind gotten around to registering in my new district.

Still, though, I'm feeling kind of political. In a completely apolitical way. I get excited when I see voting machines and campaign signs stuck in front lawns, even when I could care less about the candidates. I wish there was protesting going on.

I'm bored. Why is no one hunger striking?

I mean, yes, it's my own fault for not getting involved enough in today's elections to be excited about the issues themselves, but it's the crazy conventions of politics that get me going even when the outlook is kind of bleak (cough, John Kerry, cough). I suppose I could get my radical jollies by organizing my own protest, but for what cause? I mentioned to Brad at lunch that I was considering hunger striking for thinness, because it's the kind of win-win protest I'm looking for.

"No," I would say to Anderson Cooper as he gently held a tuna melt to my lips. "It's not a disorder. It's a principle."

I've been invited to a sort of fancy thing, which is why I'm thinking about "protesting" in the first place. Not that I would ever seriously "protest," but it's a tempting thought to "protest" your way into the kind of outfit suitable for VIPersonage. And, see, were I to "protest" my way into a Betsey Johnson dress, people wouldn't comment about my change in physical status. "Hey, did she lose weight," some uninformed ignoramus would ask. "No," someone else would inform them, "she's just very dedicated to the issues."

I just can't sign another useless MoveOn petition. I need my political actions to have results. Measurable results.

Super-hot, shallow, dumb male models of results.


Anonymous Mike said...

Yeah, mid-midterm elections are so blah. SInce so many of the races are for offices where party identification matter, you don't even get the "us vs. them" mentality of blue v. red, dem v. rep, gush v. bore.

The Cleveland area is no exception to this vacuum. What I do enjoy is the Cleveland mayor's race: Jane Campbell v. City Councilman Frank Jackson. Campbell's opponent says he is a lifelong Clevelander (which may be true) but he has an honest-to-God Bayou accent. How do you get that in NE Ohio?

bifazlsg (my posting verification word)

3:52 PM  

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