Friday, May 06, 2005

Who Got the Keys to the DeLorean?

Dear Ashley,

I'm not sure if you remember me, but we attended Mohansic Elementary school together. You didn't like me very much in kindergarten, though I was never quite sure why. Did you hate my lisp? Were you envious of my neon alphabet dress? I may never know the root of your malice.

But, Ashley, I never forgot the way you told the playground aide that I kicked Shanna in the head on purpose when you and everyone else knows you sacrificed her (She was your friend! Shame on you!) to one of your schemes to make my life cruddy. Everyone saw you plant her behind me as I flipped off the monkey bars.

I was a six-year-old gleefully hanging upside down, Ashley. The last things I expected to see as I dismounted were the tears of a classmate and you dragging the aide over to me, an evil grin from ear to ear. I was also more than a little clumsy; even if I had seen Shanna standing behind me, I very much doubt that I could've avoided planting my Reebok in her face.

I want you to know that every time I think of the playground I think of Shanna's poor head, and my unjust time on the curb.

My sentence on the metaphorical curb of life is up, Ashley.

Science once again trumps injustice! If all goes as planned at the Time Traveler's Convention this Saturday, residents of the future will be placing the secrets to successful time travel in my eager grasp in less than forty-eight hours. Fingerprinting, DNA evidence, and now time travel to right the wrongs of the past.

I'm comin' for ya, Ashley.

I'm gonna be on that playground, right behind you.

And I'm gonna give you the wedgie of a lifetime.

Watch your back,


Blogger DMo said...

Man, as soon as I get the notes and meeting minutes from that convention, I'm heading back to seventh grade. The fight's back on, Dave B.! Boy's locker room, post gym class.

I'm not staying home "sick" this time around.

1:09 PM  
Blogger What'sHerFace said...

We from the future salute you.

1:46 PM  

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