Tuesday, April 05, 2005

You Give Me Fever...FEVER!

The peril of being twenty-two in the spring, however slight and technical that spring may be (look, it's April and it stopped snowing, so I'm breakin' out the spring-themed philosophy and you can't stop me, douche), is that you really begin to fall head over heels for virtually everyone sporting your preferred genitalia.

Then again, this may just be the peril of being me. I normally develop feelings for approximately every third guy on the street, but when you blend that with the warmish weather and top it with the measly forty-eight hours standing between me and eleven days of vacation, what you wind up with an Amorous Kathy Tart.

It's getting out of hand, though. I can control myself around the usual buffet of unavailable men, who come in flavors that vary from mysterious officemate, to married co-commuter, to unbelievably attractive and heartbreakingly gay man walking tiny dog.

It was only after I caught myself sending Brad an e-mail telling him I was going to "tackle" a guy "like a linebacker" that I realized I may be a little off-kilter. I only began thinking about seeking a pharmacological cure to my obvious disorder when I further realized that my violent love is based solely on a blog I was recently forwarded.

O Tender Buds of April, what Woe! Fie! Fie, I say, to Electronic Love!

Especially when it's not so much "love" as "spying on someone with whom I've never had any contact whatsoever, who I really hope doesn't track his hits because I have registered a really, like, disturbing number in the last couple of weeks."

All I can say is that if I don't do any making out during my upcoming vacation my lips are going to atrophy right off my head.

Also, speaking of vacation (while I still have the functioning mouth to do so): vote for your cover song choices in the post below, right now, or you're going to your room without dessert. Got it?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't stalk you or spy on you or register ungodly numbers of hits on your page, but I do read you regularly. Sometimes I think I know you, and then I'm like, oh yeah she's in NY and I'm in Texas and I've never met her and then I feel like a tool. But um, yeah. Springtime does the same fever to me. Here's to mentally slutting it up!

12:13 PM  
Blogger What'sHerFace said...

You, Mr. or Ms. Texas, are welcome to electronically stalk me any time.

12:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

*squeals like a girl chasing after the Beatles* You called me Ms. Texas! *swoon*

4:21 PM  

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