Friday, March 04, 2005

Suck My Crystal Balls

My life for the past three days can best be described as a series of eerie coincidences, psychic visions, and strange echoes in the long, existential hallway. Philosopy 101 style, if I am truly a brain in a jar somewhere then someone's tapping the glass.

It's all stupid stuff, though. I haven't tuned in any lottery numbers or urgent cries for help pinpointing the location of kidnapped minors. My powers didn't even send me a vibration not to leave my phone on my bed this morning.

I did however predict Kai's exact (and unexpectedly good) grade on her endocrine system exam. Twice I've known the number of new e-mails in my inbox before I opened it. I was positive the Hot Dad was going to be on the train yesterday, despite his strong statistical tendency not to take the 5:12 on Thursdays. I knew my boss would be out sick today. Small potatoes, I know, but I'll take what I can get when it comes to swami credit.

It's less the Madame Cleo stuff and more the strange coincidences that have me looking over my shoulder. Everything I do, hear, say, or see for the past couple of days seems to have its echo just a little while later. After talking to Brad about possibly flying to Cleveland this weekend--a plan aborted due to prohibitive cost and complete absurdity--I sat next to two high-school kids discussing their plans to fly to Cleveland to pick up a CD from a friend. After formulating a possible plan for moving out and looking for apartments in White Plains during work hours, the Hot Dad spent ten minutes on the train telling me about the eleven years he lived an apartment there. After discussing at length during lunch a particular two-year-old photo, Brad mentions in an online post that he'd just recently found the very picture in question and made it his computer background.

Honestly, I'm not kidding when I say the list goes on and on and on.

When telling Kai about the strange phenomenon, she explained to me the Jungian theory of "synchronicity." I told her I had just finished reading about Jung in Chuck Palahniuk's Stranger than Fiction a few minutes before she picked me up.

None of this, though, compares to the divine voicemail I received this morning.

I've been having computer trouble everywhere I turn. Any piece of complex technology I touch instantly turns to crap, a situation that's about as stinky as its non-literal description. My computer at home wasn't working and I had to perform some elaborate "system restore" voo-doo to get it back in order. Once I did, the wireless internet committed suicide. At work, I have strange, unpredictable access to a shifting array of communal drives. I can't get into the abysmal German database I loathe, but still very much need to use. On arriving home last night to find out that some network techician is coming to my house tomorrow to survey the situation, I found myself very earnestly pleading please, God, just let me have one working computer in my life.

This morning, I got to work and checked my messages.

"Hi, Kathy, this is Jesus. We've got your new workstation, so let me know when I can come up and drop it off."

Jesus gave me a new computer today. Not hay-zoos, even--the IT guy who dropped off my brand new hard drive pronounces his name gee-zus. Like, you know, the messiah. For a pretty adamantly agnostic ex-Catholic, I'm beginning to feel uncharateristically Joan-of-Arcy.

What does it all mean, folks, what does it all mean? I feel as though I'm moving towards water-into-wine territory, but I'm kind of stuck at water-into-seltzer. If I'm going to have all kinds of strange premonitions or prophetic dreams or uncanny coincidences, I'd very much like them all to point to something.

Other than possible schizophrenia.


Anonymous stupid boy said...

It's clear you have a gift! or is it a curse?

1:13 PM  
Blogger What'sHerFace said...

I don't know which it is myself, but couldn't it be delightfully explored in a coming-of-age teen comedy?

2:00 PM  
Anonymous brad said...

it's because i kicked your forehead four years ago. knocked something loose. remember that? what were you THINKING?

6:44 PM  
Anonymous mombi said...

is it a coincidence that you've been watching "medium" every monday night, and now you're psychic?

i think not.

do you see dead people?

rob sees dead squirrels.

brad, if i spelled psychic wrong, please feel free to correct me.

9:39 AM  

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