Thursday, March 10, 2005

A Story With a Disappointing Ending

There's this woman at the train station who stands next to me every day while we wait for the 6:46. She's probably in her late fifties, and she's a very comforting degree of bonkers.

On the whole, the well-suited, polished-shoe, project-managing breed of commuter puts me on edge. This particular lady is thrown into high relief by the matching-tie-and-hanky types, and it's because she's so different from the rest of the train crowd that I've come to deeply appreciate her inappropriately fuzzy pastel newsboy caps. Approximately biweekly, I celebrate her Strange Embroidered Red Silk Pants Day like it's my birthday.

Red Pants isn't the kind of eccentric that makes you wonder whether she lives in a group home; she's the brand of loopy that makes you question why you ever started wearing beige.

So, the train station has this bumpy rubber strip lining the edges of the platform so you don't slip and crack your head open and then get stuck in between the train and the platform and get sliced in half but the pressure of the train keeps you from bleeding to death so you're fully conscious when the firemen discuss how moving the train even an inch will result in your immediate and painful demise.

Anyway, Red Pants has this system of poking the rubber bumps with her toe. She does this every morning the way a kid in a doctor's waiting room invents a game to pass the time before his booster shot [I'm gonna put all these books on the chairs and then I'm going to run in a circle? And then I have to pick all of them up? And I have to put them all back on the first chair and I have to do it all before the big fish gets from one side of the tank to the other or the FLOOR TURNS INTO LAVA.].

I was watching her poke the bumps today and my brain took this weird narrative hairpin turn and all of I sudden I wondered if she has kids [which I'm positive she does, though for no logical reason] and how bizarre it would feel for them to watch their mom do this strange, solitary, mindless thing. Does my mom stand around poking bumps in a clockwise spiral? Probably not. But does she tap out Gloria Estefan's Get on Your Feet on deli counters when waiting for her coldcuts? I'll never know.

I just read over what I wrote, and there's some kind of integral bit I'm missing in the story telling, and it's something about the camera zoom my head did. I guess what I'm trying to say is: every person is a whole weird, friggin' world.

Which, you know, is like, weird.

I guess that's the moral of the story. Sorry.


Anonymous brad said...

i STILL make myself do things in a certain amount of time for no reason (lest the floor metamorph into lava). sometimes it'll be "i have to get a cup, pour a drink, drink it all, and wash the cup before the microwave dings, and i'm only setting it for thirty seconds, and if i don't make it, the house is going to fall down and kill me and the dog will get hungry and eat my body before they find it." mysteries of life. "who set this microwave?"

2:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ok, I think I might start my own blog, but it would be cool if some of you stop by and call me nutbag over there. lol

Special K said: every person is a whole weird, friggin' world.

Yeah, I've never 'fessed up to this publically, but I have a weird fascination with speaking or writing in evens (as opposed to odds). Meaning, When I say a certain sentence, I like the total number of letters used to be an even number, I've developed a way to quickly calculate all that and it just sorta happens now. To accomplish this, I'll use some filler/ bullshit words like However or Despite, and/or I'll abbreviate (or Unabbreviate Cannot, Can't - Don't, Do not, etc.)

Also, I'm deathly afraid of birds...the sight of them, the sound of them, even just feathers laying around trip up my F or F respone.

Special K, this ain't goodbye, I'll stop by from time to time, and definitely let you know what my blog joint is if you ever feel like terrorizing it and causing some havoc for a few days.

everyone else, good luck.

-Anonymous N, Out.

3:05 PM  
Blogger What'sHerFace said...

You can count the letters in words as you're saying them? Are you the friggin' Rainman? That's incredible.

Good luck on the bloggin'. Trust me, it's fun.


3:12 PM  

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