Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Once Upon A Time

First and foremost, the new JUNK is up. Head on over there to read some rambling prose by yours truly, some excellent interviews with uber-hip musicians by Mr. Bradley "The" Walsh, or to sample an assortment of other text confections--but mostly go to ogle nudie pictures of a super-hot guy whose last name appears to be missing structurally significant vowels.

As predicted, yesterday was a snow day. The heavens defecated over a foot of precipitation on my house by the time the storm was over, so I had to "work from home," or, more accurately, "punch in, watch Ellen because Vince Vaughn was on the show, then watch a documentary about the National Spelling Bee, then go to the mall and buy a new outfit, then eat a grilled cheese, then punch out."

It was a long, hard day at the salt mines.

The new outfit part was a violation of my "work from home" rules so gratuitous that I almost couldn't do it, but in the end I was going to see Interpol today and had absolutely nothing I was willing to wear. Plus, I was charged by my mother with a crusade to bring back several Lindt chocolates for her immediate consumption. Facing both my mother's dire truffle emergency and a personal fashion crisis, there was nothing to be done about breaching protocol.

Like I mentioned, tonight is the Interpol show and if I were any more excited about that there would be liquid evidence on my seat. I am going by myself, but the outfit I bought is particularly bookish and I'm reading As I Lay Dying at the moment, so I'm thinking I'll work the Hot Librarian/I'm Too Into Literature To Need To Talk To You look. I'm also kind of looking forward to all of the pre-show eavesdropping I'll get to do. I'm betting it'll be annoying, blog-worthy, and quipped about tomorrow. See you there.

See, I was priding myself on the relatively coherent narrative flow of this post and now I'm gonna fuck it all up. Usually my paragraphs have nothing to do with each other, but I think I segued pretty effectively between all of the topics we just discussed. Then I remembered this thing that happened when I was at the diner with Kai last night and now everything's all shot to shit. Alright, let's pretend I just told a story about how I had a dream wherein Interpol challenged Princess Diana to a battle of the bands, except Princess Di couldn't find a bass player, so she asked me to fill in, and we lost the battle, but in the end we had a dance party and I did the robot with Carlos D. while Di was on the ones and twos.

Speaking of Princess Diana, Kai and I were at the Mahopac diner last night for dinner and found ourselves listening to a mother tell her children the story of Princess Di's death, except she was recounting it the way you would read Cinderella right before tucking in your kids and flipping off the light.

I tuned in somewhere around:

...and she was the most beautiful, kind Princess and everybody loved her. Everybody but her husband that is, the Prince, because he loved another lady. The Prince and the Princess finally stopped loving each other so much that the Princess took off. She was very sad for a long time until she found another man who loved her very much...until one night, when they were in a tunnel, and their car crashed. The Princess died, and now she's buried and everyone brings her flowers and cries, and that's why Elton John wrote that song that's in the jukebox. Now, are you going to get a hot dog or are you going to get chicken nuggets? You better choose because the waitress is coming over right now, and God help me I'm not gonna sit here while you deliberate about this...

And they lived happily ever after.


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