Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Snickers or Milky Way?

Though normally I adhere to my strict "one post a day" code of conduct--so as not to run out of blog fodder too quickly--I felt that my last post was somewhat lacking, and this event was sufficiently ridiculous to warrant immediate recapitulation.

I was sitting at a table in the lunch room/kitchen/library/hallway, just finishing up my kiwi and getting ready to knock out the rest of Mrs. Dalloway when my favorite member of the upper-medical-division-echelon approached the vending machine. I recognized that my sitting alone left me virtually defenseless against any small talk aimed at my person, but it was too late to whip out my iPod, the solitary luncher's only weapon.

He stood in front of the vending machine jingling some change in his hand. "Life's so hard," he said.

"Why's that?" I bit.

"Snickers or Milky's an impossible decision," he answered.

Thinking I would squeak out some kind of quip and put the small talk to bed, I responded that my answer to that question was Milky Way, every time.

"Well then, I'm sorry to disappoint you," he said, purchasing a Snickers bar.

It was beginning to smack of the argument I once had with a certain creative writing professor in the middle of workshop regarding my obvious stupidity, as evidenced by my only consuming the white LifeSavers in a five flavor roll--the kind of argument where one participant is the kind of surly that can never be assuaged.

I guess I kind of laughed and hoped that the conversation was over. As usual, totally wrong. What ensued was a five-minute lecture about a woman he once worked with who wore only purple. She wore purple from head to toe, wrote in purple ink, had purple business cards, and special ordered purple paper clips. Each time she needed a new outfit she would go to a department store and ask to be shown to "the purple section."

"My point is," he concluded accusatorily, "life is really easy when you fixate on only one thing." Then he walked off.

In conclusion, I have learned that one's entire life can and will be judged solely on one's continued preference of candy bar. If anyone ever sees me in a cold sweat at a convenience store, a box full of Snickers strewn at my feet, you'll know what's up.


Blogger joslik said...

oh man - you need to put your iPod on 'quickdraw'

But then, of course, you do know that the remedy to the Milky Way vs Snickers debate is always Milky Way Midnite, don't you?

Or split the middleground and hit up the Three Musketeers for their fluffy chocolately stuff.

10:25 AM  

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