Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Ladies and Gentlemen, This Is Your Conductor.

As promised, pictures from my exciting weekend. Never will you see such death-defying antics, such breath-taking beauty, such...well, really, all we did was go out for lunch.

Fitty bucks for a framed print o' this bitch.
Art. And, if you knew anything about art, you uncultured cow, you'd be able to tell that I'm at Chili's.

Do you think this guy knows he's on a lame blog?
Some more Art. If you were anything but a plebeian oaf, you'd know that that's a fine vintage Diet Pepsi in my goblet.

Look, I don't know how it works down in Mex-ee-co, but up here, buddy, you can't tell ME what to eat.
When faced with this imperative...

How's about a Bloomin' Onion?
Kai deliberated...

This is a gross picture.
...but in the end the Super Nachos won. We vanquished them without mercy.

That's it for the weekend, which felt strangely short due to my falling asleep at seven-thirty in the evening on Saturday, consequently waking up at 2:30 in the morning rarin' to go, and, having nothing to do, eating Pizza Hut in my bed watching an art history lecture on Bookspan.

Now that we're all narratively caught-up, I can talk about my ride on the 6 from Grand Central to Spring Street this morning, which provided me with undeniable proof that I'm not alone in hating my job, and pretty much everyone else, too.

Descending the stairs to the subway platform, I found that there was a 6 train in the station. I elbowed, kneed, and bit my way onto a car and even managed to find a seat. As we were pulling out of the station, the conductor got on the loudspeaker and began the following drippingly sarcastic lecture on subway conduct that lasted from Grand Central till 28th street.

Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your conductor. Please do not hold train doors open when you are at the station. It endangers the lives of other patrons and prevents us from keeping the trains running on time. Additionally, you could get and arm or a leg or a child caught between closing doors, and nobody wants that. I know that it may be difficult to tell when the doors are closing, but we here at the MTA actually do provide you with a number of hints. First, the chimes sound. Then, there's that announcement telling you to stand clear of the closing doors. Then--and this is probably your best hint that the doors are closing--the doors will begin to proceed towards each other. This means that the doors are closing. Please do not hold the doors open in the station. Thank you.

With that, I wish you a
I seriously took this on Chrismas Eve and forgot to put it up until now.
Merry Christmas

and a
Christ.
Happy Valentine's Day.

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

the virgin of zekealupe wishes you a happy valentine's day, and if he were anywhere near you, he'd give you a big wet slopp on the puss.

12:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

excuse me. slöpp on the püss.

12:12 PM  

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