Monday, January 31, 2005

Ticketmasterbation

Remember when Eddie Vedder got all pissed at Ticketmaster, and he was totally all like cool and bad-ass because he refused to sell Pearl Jam tickets through their service?

He had it right.

I've been trying for two hours and twenty-seven minutes now to order two tickets to see U2 at Madison Square Garden. Every time I search for two tickets, it finds nothing. When I search for one ticket, it finds nothing. When I search for any amount of tickets, in any price range, it finds nothing. I know for damn sure the place isn't sold out, and I feel that if I'm going to pay an eight-dollar per ticket "convenience fee" then I should be provided with some modicum of convenience. Ticketmaster is the shadiest of shady companies. I'm fully expecting to find a "repeated failed attempt to purchase tickets fee" or an "insufficently enthusiastic U2 fan charge" or a "use of bandwith without purchase tax" on my credit card next month.

They got me, though. After refreshing the U2 page for what must have been the seven-hundred-thousandth time, I took a chance and searched for Interpol tickets. A couple of impetuous clicks and lo, I will be in row P of the Radio City Music Hall on March 2 to see Interpol, my current very favorite band which employs my future husband Paul. Guys, this isn't a celebrity crush situation. I am utterly convinced, in my heart of hearts, that the lead singer of Interpol and I would be great friends if we were to meet, which we will.

This is the stuff that restraining orders are made of, I know.

The thing I hate the most about Ticketmaster is that you can't even mindlessly refresh until it finds you some friggin' tickets. You have to type in a magic word each time to prevent abuse of the ever-so-convenient Ticketmaster system by "automated programs which block patrons from purchasing tickets."

Fine. Great. First complaint: I think I'd be more successful fighting the ticket-buying robots without your help. Second complaint: where the hell are you getting these codewords from? I've had to type the word myrikyl (undoubtedly someone's little brother's hardcore band), aspirin (I need some, and should I ever meet a Ticketmaster representative, so shall they), outgo (slang for excrement? No? Can it be?) and shadoof (which I can only hope is a new term for shwaggy weed).

Before I return to my third straight (business) day of updating credit lines for the figures in an upcoming literary masterpiece about functional MRI, lemme just say that I did indeed do things this weekend, and I even took pictures of these things, and went so far as to remove the pictures from my camera and resize them, all before completely forgetting to e-mail them to myself. So y'all can wait on the edge of your seats till tomorrow to hear about my weekend.

While you're there, can you order me some U2 tickets?

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just ordered tickets for Keane, and not only was there a $7 per ticket "convenience" charge, there was also a $2.50 shipping charge despite the fact that I had the tickets E-MAILED. I feel your pain, sister (and your lightened wallet).

12:04 PM  
Blogger What'sHerFace said...

Bullshit! Ticketmaster is BULLSHIT! I'm staging some sort of coup. We need a moveon.org for Ticketmaster. SOMEONE START RAISING SOME MONEY!

12:09 PM  

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