Thursday, January 27, 2005

How Low? Can You Go?

To my great surprise and counter to long-held socio-religious assumptions, I discovered today that hell is actually freezing.

With wind-chill factor, it was twenty-five degrees below zero this morning in the scenic Hudson Valley. In actuality the thermometer read a cozy four above. I was out in the snow warming my car at 5:45 in the morning and left to get to the station at 6:00. After an unexpected ten-minute train delay (spent futily generating warmth through hopping from one foot to the other gotta-pee-style), I saw the blessed train approaching and the promise of climate control made my previously numb extremities tingle with anticipation.

As the train pulled to a stop in the station, I noticed the first two cars seemed extremely crowded. Eager to find a seat on such a packed train, I shoved some old guys and happily hopped aboard. I entered the third car (strangely--but wonderfully--unpopulated!), threw open the door, and my cry of relief crystallized in front of my face.

The heat. On the rest of the train. Was broken.

I know I may be slightly prone to hyperbole, but I shit you not when I say that I could see my breath inside. It was maybe 35 degrees on the train except for the first two cars, in which every single available seat was populated by the warm and toasty ass of a passenger who had gotten at an earlier stop.

A day that begins with two hours of mind-numbing cold can only get better, right?

A list of strange things I have recently seen abandoned on the street:
1. Toothbrush
2. Pair of sweatpants
3. Large pile of houseplant fronds; no houseplant stem/pot/accoutrements in sight.
4. TINY functioning model of an exercise bike. For reference: chihuahua could tone thighs on said bike.


Blogger JMH said...

Geeze, I live in Mississippi, and I thought it was cold this morning at around 38 degrees as I drove all of 3 miles to get to work without any cars in front of me (not even enouph time for the heater to warm up).

What's that? I'm a what? Oh, your not the first person to call me that. :)

Kinda off topic, but I saw the strangest thing myself not too long ago, and I promise i'm not making this up. A hearse leading a funeral procession had pulled over to change a flat tire, and there was at least 2 miles of cars (all with their lights on) stopped behind it. If i hadn't seen it with my own eyes i wouldn't have believed it.

2:59 PM  
Blogger JMH said...

One other thing. Do you have a digital camera? Cause if you do, please take pics of these odd things you find on the street and if its not too much trouble email them to me (or create a "picture blog" documenting your findings). I have a friend who really gets into stuff like that, and I'd love to share it with him.

The crummy thing about MS is the only stuff you find on the street are dead animals and your garden variety refuse (mcdonald's wrappers and beer cans; both of which my friend already has enouph pics to wallpaper his house).

3:32 PM  
Blogger What'sHerFace said...


I do indeed have a digital camera, but here's my thing about carrying it around: as it is, I'm carrying my cell phone, my iPod, and my wallet, all of which are of considerable value to me as well as to the black market. I'm always checking for/on the verge of losing/forgetting on my desk one of the above, and to add a digital camera into the mix might prove disastrous.

That said, I should really use the sucker more often and will probably drag it out on Monday, even though the tiny bike is probably gone and all I'll be able to furnish you (and your friend) with is pictures of frozen dog pee.

Happy Friday,

12:26 PM  
Blogger JMH said...

"...frozen dog pee"

well that's a start.


12:43 PM  

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