Thursday, January 20, 2005

As Life Gets Longer / Awful Feels Softer

I'm choosing to believe that the Hot Dad wasn't on my train yesterday due to the tidal nature of existence [the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh, etc.] whereby dizzying highs are necessarily paired with a plunge back into the mundane. I sat next to a middle-aged woman grading essays. I did three-quarters of the crossword and fell asleep. I listened to Modest Mouse--who, despite great personal effort, have thoroughly won me over. Their newest album is brilliant.

Even in a cycle of unremarkability one can have the occasional moment of great achievement, whose actual insignificance makes it all the more special. Well, that, and laughable to anyone else. Case in point: Wheel of Fortune.

I've subjected most people I know to the story of my Wheel of Fortune inferiority complex. My mom and I have watched Jeopardy! and Wheel of Fortune since I was tiny, and I remember being eight years old and desperately trying to beat her to solving even one puzzle. I threw in the towel (and also a tantrum) when she was able to decode the puzzle Dick Tracy's Yellow Raincoat with only the Y's. Only the Y's.

Last night, however, my mother was dethroned by your faithful narrator. I got the event Presidential Inauguration with no letters. Not even one.

Speaking of, it's happening today (which is why I was able to guess it. Well, that and my exorbitant IQ). This morning's Times published this article about an approval poll conducted on the eve of Bush's official entry into his final term. I may not be the most mathematically adept individual out there, but the numbers in this thing are mind-blowing.

50% of the people surveyed said they believe the Social Security system is "in crisis."
But 60% said they wouldn't invest their Social Security money into the stock market.
"So, I'm totally all for Bush's plan for privatized investing. Just, you know, only invest, like, that guy's money. And put mine in a...what's the word? Lemme call it a "lock box." Damn, that's a good idea...sometimes I even impress myself."

71% believe Bush will appoint Supreme Court Justices who will outlaw abortion.
75% believe a significant number of troops will be stationed in Iraq when he leaves office.
53% believe the war will not be worth the loss of life if weapons of mass destruction are not found.
56% believe the country has "gone off on the wrong track."
80% believe that it is not possible to overhaul Social Security, continue to cut taxes, and fund the war in Iraq without increasing the existing deficit.

Yet amazingly, 60% say they are "generally optimistic" about the administration's next four years.

"Yeah, you know, we're never getting out of Iraq, and, uh, I guess it's kind of a pointless war...and, like, I don't think his math works and it's sending the economy down the shitter, and you know, that's not awesome, or whatever. But like, the twins looked hot today. It'll be fine. Right?"


Anonymous Anonymous said...

If 71% of people think that the Supreme Court will ban abortion, then 71% of people don't understand how Roe V. Wade works. Which doesn't surprise me in the slightest, because the majority of this people are ignorant on a variety of topics indeed. For example, until recently I thought middle-eastern food was very similar to Indian food.

11:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Not only how Roe v. Wade works, but how the Supreme Court works in general.

Indian Food = Middle-Eastern food?! You have a lot to learn my friend ;-)


12:55 PM  
Blogger What'sHerFace said...

Oh everyone shut up. I'm so hungry, and it's so not lunch yet. Middle-eastern, Indian, friggin' Wendy's, I don't care. I'm going to eat my decorative gourds in a minute.

1:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, everyone shut up. I'm going to abort all of you. brad

4:11 PM  
Blogger Buckley said...

Vote Brad for President. Free Abortions for/of all!

As an Irish person, I of course know more about American law and politics than any of you. But while I was supportive of the Bush campaign for re-election initially based on my insight of the man and the administrations utter genius and deep-seated humanitarian motivation (which is way over your heads), I became disenchanted when I realised the rest of the crowd were not shouting "For more Beers" like I was.

In Ireland, we had a referendum on the abortion issue and as a nation decided against it (but were all for information on how to get an abortion in our neighbouring nation, Britain) on the grounds that if we didn't have to go to London for an abortion, we'd have no excuse for a little shopping-holiday and a spin on the London-eye; possibly catch a show in the West End etc.

6:15 AM  
Blogger JMH said...

53% believe the war will not be worth the loss of life if weapons of mass destruction are not found.

Is there still an "if"?

80% believe that it is not possible to overhaul Social Security, continue to cut taxes, and fund the war in Iraq without increasing the existing deficit.

I wonder if that one is in anyway corrolated to the 20% of Americans with their head up their arse?

P.S. I am a-political (thats probably not a word), I wish more people (Republicans and Democrats) could just use a little more common sense and not just say what their "party" says but what they truly believe based on what they know (and if you don't know anything about a subject then by all means don't say anything).

Sorry for the mini-rant.

12:05 PM  
Blogger JMH said...

Oh and by the way, did you see in the Modest Mouse liner notes that their newest CD was recorded in none other than Oxford, MS? Who knew my home state was on the cutting edge of music?

12:07 PM  
Blogger What'sHerFace said...

No, I had no idea, because I cheated and downloaded the album from the sketchy, Russian, probably illegal site. But send my thanks to the whole damn state.

12:59 PM  

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