Thursday, November 18, 2004

They Have No Buns

According to an article in the NY Times, our species evolved into its current form due to the need to run. [One could say that we were born to run, proving once and for all that THE BOSS TOTALLY RULES.] The theory was put forth by Dr. Dennis M. Bramble of the University of Utah and Dr. Daniel E. Lieberman of Harvard. While I am fascinated by their discovery, I'm slightly worried about Dr. Bramble:

And there was the gluteus maximus, the muscle of the buttocks. Earlier human ancestors, like chimpanzees today, had pelvises that could support only a modest gluteus maximus, nothing like the strong buttocks of Homo.

"Have you ever looked at an ape?" Dr. Bramble said. "They have no buns."

Dr. Lieberman steps in here to explain how the gluteus maximus muscles help stabilize you as you run, because you can tell that this is the point where Dr. Bramble slips out to picture the strong buttocks of Homos and touch himself inappropriately.

Speaking of strong buttocks, my favorite middle-aged commuter spoke to me yesterday. I usually refer to him as "the hot dad," though I don't believe he actually has any children (side note: when did I start checking men's hands for rings? Do I have a biological clock? Am I going to start doing the pointy-finger old lady dance!?). He is far-and-away the best commuter on the Hudson Line. He's always the first standing by the door, the first up the stairs, and the first to book it to his car.

He's prematurely gray, but in that hot George Clooney kind of way (if anything about George Clooney were actually attractive. See, I'm still young! Right?). He sat across the aisle from me yesterday on the way home; he read the News, I did the Times crossword.

Somewhere around Ossining he got up to go stand by the door, and I figured it would be creepy if I followed him, so I stood near the doors at the opposite end of the car. Due to my excellent commuting skillz (MAD skillz), we wound up next to each other on the stairs. He held the door for me, and on our way down the other flight of stairs he said "Wednesday crossword in pen? I'm impressed."

I'm in love. And, to my credit, I didn't fall down the stairs or throw up on myself or anything! I even managed a response! When I got to my car, though, I admit I did collapse onto the passenger seat and sigh for a while.


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