Wednesday, November 17, 2004

The Fruits of a Day's Labor

Taken word for word, I shit you not, from the NY Times:
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Annual Tradition: President Bush pardoned "Biscuits" the turkey in the Rose Garden of the White House today.

I. Can't. Stop. Laughing.
BISCUITS, for fuck's sake, the fucker's holding a turkey named BISCUITS.

The rest of this entry is completely unrelated to Bush n' Biscuits (though that would make a great comic strip). For your enjoyment, here are a bunch of headlines from Craigslist.com personals (my new obsession) that prove no matter how honorable the intentions of a website may be, it will eventually be taken over by desperately horny mouth-breathers from Jersey.

-Broken hearted Male seeks an Asian
-To the point: I LOVE NICE EYES AND BIG NATURAL BOOBS
-STIRRUPS & SIMULATION
-seeking woman with breast fetish of sorts
-Let's Get Married Please Be Looking For Love
-i like small breasts
-SWM seeks kinky, wild girl to love and cherish forever
-Do ASIANS with BIG BOOBS exist?
-You are a hottie, make me happy and get $30,000
-I'll cook you bring the wine [Note: Please, please put some punctuation in there. There's a felony of a difference between "I'll cook! You bring the wine!" and "I'll cook you. Bring the wine."]
-Are You Having a Latte and You Have to Tinkle? [Note: This is exactly what you're thinking. Apparently, he's willing to travel to a Starbucks right now, get down on his knees in front of you in a unisex bathroom - he specifies "unisex" - and, when you say I want to pee for you now, you can do it in his mouth! Don't worry, he assures us that he does not have yellow-stained clothes or "pee-breath."]

and possibly the funniest use of ellipses in the history of the written word:
-Somewhat horny, nice guy looking to lick...pussy

Really? Pussy? Is that what you were looking to lick? Because, you know, you really threw me for a loop with that dramatic pause right after the oh-so-subtle verb lick. Ha ha ha, it's like an emotional roller-coaster, your ad, I swear! You are so very witty, yet so endearingly frank! Still, I would probably call...the cops if you showed up at my door.

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

christ, i can't stop laughing. expound on this entry and turn it in for the next junk. oh my god.

4:34 PM  
Blogger ktiv said...

Funniest. Post. Ever.

I seriously cannot stop laughing. There's a chance I'm gonna have to see a doctor because of the extreme lack of...air.

6:16 PM  

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